so much to weep for

So much to weep for. I’m a sensitive soul. I think that’s why I am drawn to so much darkness on the TV, I think somehow that it will desensitise me from the pain. I worry about souls, and yet it’s not up to me to save souls, but to plant the seed. God will provide the increase.

I was driving home from the allotment on Monday, and turning in and it was my right of way, and a mercedes was approaching from the left and should have paused to let me pass, but immediately turned right toward me, no indicators, and yelled ‘fuck you’ from his window. A lot of Muslims have no respect toward Caucasians. I’ve faced racism by Muslims on multiple occasions, from my teenage years into adulthood and it’s most terrible to watch young children walk past me with such hate in their eyes and spit on the ground, or one Muslim teen stick two fingers up at me when I’m sat outside having a cup of tea. Don’t get me started on litter and why our Muslim neighbours NEVER put the bins out. What are these parents teaching their kids, and they think they are serving Allah with their human goodness?

Yes, I’ve freaked on more than one occasions and screamed at the top of my voice nasty names toward my neighbours for their laziness in failing to put out the bins. I once asked our neighbours if they would put out all nine bins, when we were on holiday, to which they responded ‘no’. Somehow I think they have an entitlement complex built into them, like putting out the bins on behalf of their neighbours and community is beyond them. Again, these people are meant to be doing good works for Allah, are they not?

Trying to get help for mental health on the NHS. What a broken fucked up system this is. I’ve been on the hamster wheel of therapy for fifteen years, and I was supposedly rejected for dialectical behavioural therapy because I don’t like ‘social groups’. Democratic Therapeutic Communities could have had the decency to write to me. After all, these people are meant to be experts toward those with personality disorders, are they not, and yet they know stress triggers us. The system is backwards and out to depopulate those with mental health, not help them.

Talk about desensitisation from the ‘health professionals’, or perhaps it’s because I didn’t want to play ball with their online meetings, when I requested face-to-face, as they know about my views on the Covid bollocks.

I think I’ll stay sensitive and soft and weep those tears when they come. Husband says he loves that about me, but sometimes I think the tears are not going to end. I wish I could control my emotions better, but the NHS sure as hell does not want to help me, so by golly I’ll have to help myself.

Corrupt governments, pharmaceuticals that just want to grow richer and richer, and care not about saving lives, children bullied and unloved, rapes, child molestation, child trafficking, domestic abuse, unnecessary wars, disease, climate change lies, animals abandoned and/or cruelly treated, the list goes on and on.

So much to weep for.


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