I am glad I am alive. I have Almighty God my creator to thank for that. However, there are desperate days when I have thoughts of suicide. The overwhelming feelings can cloud any lucidity and I often end up crying in desperation looking for a way to end these feelings of loneliness, desperation, self-hate etc. […]
Category: Mental Health
The Paranoia Trait of Borderline
Paranoia is a horrible trait within mental illness. It is cruel to feel scared of people, family, and society in general, but these are the thoughts that come with Borderline. Occasionally I get the thought that a car is going to pull out a gun and shoot me, while I’m out walking, or that a […]
What Does Borderline Personality Disorder Look Like?
As I said in my previous blog post, I have no official diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, but I’ve watched videos of its traits and believe that I meet 8 of its 9 common traits. My doctor just thinks I have depression, but I know it is far deeper than just depression because of the […]
Is it Possible to Express Kindness to Self as a Borderline
I’m starting a daily diary about my mental illness, because I have no official diagnosis, but there is not enough help for people out there who are struggling. So if you are having suicidal thoughts, as I do, you self harm as a kind of self-medication and soother, and you have eratic ups and down […]
We Are The Same Human Being – Just Damaged
Do you struggle with a mental illness, and you feel alone in your thoughts. Perhaps you don’t know how to communicate to your loved ones anymore. I feel like this a lot. When I’m depressed, I’m attentive to listen but it is difficult to make eye contact. However, the last thing I would ever want […]
Honesty is the Best Policy – How Addicted Are You To Your Mobile?
Mobile phones cause addictive behaviour, no doubt about it. I am on my phone for most of the day, either surfing the internet, listening to Youtube videos, or playing free games through Google Play. I know I have an unhealthy addiction to my smart phone. I’ve had to curb my 8 ball pool play to […]
Mr Sleepy? I’m Buggered
What a nightmare couple of days. I’ve been going to bed early for the past week, average time 8.30pm, but the other day I had a banging headache so instead of taking painkillers I decided to have an early night instead. The only trouble is that I woke up at 11.30pm and couldn’t get back […]
Crying Doesn’t Last Forever and Joy Follows Tears
Sometimes when the tears are flowing, I start to once again believe that these tears are not going to stop, but eventually they subside and the burden is less. I think the reason why crying is so shamed in our society is because we believe that once we start, it’s never going to stop. This […]
Feel Some Compassion Humans Because OCD is Horrible
My doctor says that my compulsive skin picking, or dermatillomania, as its proper name, is part of the OCD family. Even though I’ve attempted to cure this disorder through many avenues, including dry fasting, iboga therapy, clinical hypnosis, prozac, sertrilline, duloxetine, visual coding displacement therapy, meditation, vitamin therapy, N’Acetyl Cysteine (NAC), tissue salts, acupuncture, I’m […]
The Daily Struggle When You Have No Official Diagnosis For Mental Illness
It’s pointless visiting my doctor to talk about my mental health problems, because I’m just one of hundreds of clients that he has. Since I lost my job in 2016 due to deteriorating mental health problems, I’ve gradually worsened to the point where it is lucky if I have one or two days in a […]